Marenol: The Story
by OmegaWave20
Summary: This is a short story based on LeaF's Marenol. Marenol comes from the game: Sound Voltex VIVID WAVE. The story behind it depicts a depressed and suicidal girl who resorts to taking a drug, called Marenol that she found online by chance. After consuming too much, she falls into a never ending nightmare.


**Marenol by leaf**

**Part 1: Dream Journals**

I am a suicidal depressed girl, who keeps a dream journal every day. Some says that over time, it can start to make a dream feels like real life, it's dangerous, but I haven't felt that way. It's said to improve one's mental health, for me, it's just fun, a way to keep memories. However, dream journals are incredibly hard to write, as memories slips away from you easily, and you need to record them as fast as possible. Professionals has their own systems, a set of symbols to record everything, but I just can't. I miss days, and it's hard to be accurate. In the process of writing them, I have a disproportionate number of bad dreams, and they seemed so real.

Death is a given, and I often suffer for a long time without dying. I'll immediately wake up after death, but before it feels like reality. Recently, sleep has became terrifying, due to all the pain and suffering in those dreams. It's impressive that I kept writing dream journals, even though I will feel the pain of death each time I sleep. When I wake up, all those pains would probably reset. This is the real motivation of writing and keeping the journals. The only reason why I have these bad dreams, the drug. Marenol.

**Part 2: Marenol**

Marenol, an antidepressant I got hold of myself instead of being described. I took the drugs that the doctors have prescribed me, but that didn't solve anything. The counselling was done, but I have no confidence in it. I stopped medicating and lost the will to go outside. Even something as simple as leaving my room became a challenge. I lost all my appetite, collapsed and began vomiting. There is nothing to vomit up, since I did not eat anything. In the middle of all that, I found an antidepressant online. I wasn't looking for one, instead, of all the suicidal methods I found, this drug interested me.

The main effect of the drug was: effective antidepressant and nutritional supplement that could enhance one's mood. It is the perfect drug. However, one side effect caught my eye: "Dreams so bad they approach death." I was dubious of whether it was bad, but having recovery as a main effect, while death is the secondary effect is a win-win for someone suicidal. Dream journals almost made bad dreams fun, while drugs do have some side effects.

It was hard to tell whether drugs do have a side effect, so it was not a big deal. I was confident and took a bunch without paying attention to the instructions. I have overdosed before, so this should not cause me any issues.

**Part 3: Dreams (Nightmares)**

When I slept, the side effect kicked in. The dreams I have experienced felt like dying to me. In my dreams, I was falling into a deep abyss. I was being chained, unable to move. Three gears, huge enough to grind through somebody, was moving towards me, and grinded me into pieces. In my dreams, I could feel multiple pairs of eyes, staring at me. In another dream, there was tubes, sucking my life force out of me. I collapsed into the ground. It felt all too real. I said I wanted to die, but not too terribly. The worst part of it, is that when I am awake, I feel perfectly fine. I feel so sickeningly happy, it's amazing its so effective when I am writing this. But it's all a trap, it's like the main effect is death, and the secondary effect is to live. I won't mind dying in a dream, but it hurts so much like it was.

"Dreams so bad they approach death". I thought they was talking about dying in dreams, but I have heard of people dying because their dreams felt so real, their brains went into shock. It could be talking about death in the real world, if so, I know I will die that way. It feels so real, I can't tell how I'm still alive. The pain of being impaled by a lance, being starved of oxygen as I drown, hanging from the ceiling… it all feels too real, even though I know it's just a dream.

**Part 4: Will this never end?**

It has been a few days since I have overdosed from this drug, and it is still in my system, and the side effect has not run out yet. I have no clue how long it would last, until then, there's nothing I can do, but to die, repeatedly. I have no idea if I am still alive, or I am already dead, but this is the punishment I have inflicted on myself. I have no other options, but to accept it. If I die, it'll be no external injuries… no one would be able to tell what killed me. That is why I am writing it here, both my life and dreams.

Good night.


End file.
